Imagine finding a therapist that you feel seen by. They have helped you process past
events, held space for your feelings, and added a new perspective to your life. This may be your first time in therapy, or this therapist feels different, like the right fit. Now, you find yourself at a crossroads. You feel stuck because you are unsure what to talk about in your sessions, not only today but on an ongoing basis.
You may wonder: do you continue therapy? If so, what do you talk about?
These are all normal questions to ask. Below, I will explore new ways to approach
therapy when you may feel more in control of your life and have a stronger awareness of your
emotions.
Behavioral Patterns
When we have the space in our lives to go deeper, this can be an opportunity to explore
areas that may not be actively plaguing us at the moment. We may have found acceptance in
certain areas, yet part of us wishes these areas were different. This could mean incorporating or expanding upon additive behaviors like cooking or exercise. This also could mean looking at other behaviors that could be maladaptive, like drinking.
Maybe there is nothing you currently want to change, yet could you bring more
awareness to the intention behind specific behavioral patterns? What is the difference between a second glass of wine and a third? Are you engaging in activities because of your own desires or others? It is possible that certain themes in your life had to be shelved to make room for more pressing topics. Sometimes, when we leave things on the shelf long enough, we forget they are even there. In sessions with your therapist, at a time when you feel like there is nothing to share, you can sort through the parts of yourself that may have been left behind. Although these changes may not be as grand as others (a reminder not to compare, even to yourself), they may help bring you closer to an even more authentic version of yourself.
Ask Your Therapist
The therapeutic relationship is built on trust. While your therapist does not have a crystal
ball, you can explicitly turn to them for help. That help may even be what to talk about in
session. Your therapist holds unconditional positive regard for you, and although they may not
remember every word you have shared, it is likely they have bookmarks of their own that they
want to explore further with you. This could be from a time when you were not ready to explore this theme. This could be something that felt insignificant for you, yet your therapist recognizes a pattern. This could also be a practice of you asking for help, which is something many of us struggle with.
In this same avenue, you could discuss your relationship with your therapist. What
feelings come up when you think about them outside of sessions? How (and if) do you talk
about your therapist or therapy with others in your life? If you do not discuss therapy with
anyone, do you know why? Could there be any stigma or shame creeping up? When we make the implicit explicit, we are honoring ourselves.
More ideas on what to discuss when you are feeling good in therapy
Frequency
This could be a time to explore the frequency of your treatment. Weekly sessions may
have been needed when life felt unmanageable. Have you considered meeting bi-weekly or
potentially once a month, depending on your circumstances? You are actively naming what you can control by bringing up the topic and practicing your own autonomy. Your therapist may have their own thoughts about your session frequency (and you can ask them); however, ultimately, therapy is yours. You have the ability to make changes at any point.
TALK ABOUT ANYTHING YOU WANT!
Therapy does not always have to be so serious. Often, we can put pressure on
ourselves to come into therapy with a plan or goal for each session. However, the sheer act of sitting with someone objectively and letting yourself just talk can be electric. What have you watched recently that moved you? When was the last time you laughed? When you let go of self-criticism and allow yourself to simply be, you may be surprised about what you share.
Casual conversations around upcoming plans may unlock feelings you did not know existed.
You may have been distracted or focused by the logistics, which is common, and there could be some underlying emotions you did not know were there. Give yourself permission to exist with your therapist in the space.
Small Talk in Therapy
Above all, remember that you have been an active participant in forming a relationship
with your therapist. Just like with any interpersonal relationship in your life, communicate when you feel change within yourself. Talk about the dynamic. Ask for what you need. Ask for what you want. Before walking away from your therapist, consider this question: have I explored all that I could in therapy? While your therapist will always keep the figurative door open for you in the future, make sure you are not walking away from therapy due to the discomfort of the unknown. Often, this is where we find the most enlightening discoveries.
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